So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
