Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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