If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
