I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
