I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
