I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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