i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
