We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
