i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
