Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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