It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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