Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
