Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
