Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
