I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize