I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
