drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
