it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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