I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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