She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
