the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
