dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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