farters have to be the big spoon...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
