How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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