And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
