when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
