Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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