Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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