I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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