Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
