Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
