what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
