i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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