Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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