i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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