i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
