Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
