I just made out with a guy for $7.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
