stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
