I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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