i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
