Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
