I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
