There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.