I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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