I'm gonna have a badass scar
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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