Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
