Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
