i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Having a random hookup so left but love u
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
