So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
