They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I just shit out all my problems.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
