their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
