I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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