I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
