I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
