You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
