I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
