I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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