I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i've created a new STD.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
