i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
