i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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