Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
