he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize