you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
