my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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