It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
