new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
