she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
