i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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