i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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