i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
