why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
