And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
