omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
