I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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