please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
