he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
