a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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