The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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